Fan Q&A

We asked all of you who are members of our fan club to submit questions for an online Q&A. We've run everything through our legal department and here's the first batch of questions that have been approved for your enjoyment:

Question from Annie T. of Los Angeles, CA: "I love all of your different looks. Where do you guys get all your style from?"
Adam Answered: Mostly from Heather's closet. All of her clothes fit Mike and I perfectly. I think Jon steals his clothing from homeless people and clowns.

Question from Keri D. of New York, NY: "What is the biggest perk you guys have?"
Mike Answered: I am an absolute neat freak. And one of my biggest pet peeves is dirty underwear. I like to feel clean, so I tend to change my underwear every hour. Luckily, I was able to hire a specific assistant who follows me around so that when I need to change my underwear, I'll just drop trou, throw my skivvies to the ground, and my assistant will pick them up and clean them. It's pretty awesome.

Question from Brian M. of Rockaway, NJ: "Heather, will you go out with me next time you're in the NY/NJ area?"
Heather Answered: You're the guy who keeps sending me nude photos of yourself and stalking me when I'm in NY. STOP BUGGING ME, ASSHOLE! (If the authorities are online, please hunt this man down. He has been tracking me for years and he's really scary.)

Question from Erin C. of Winston-Salem, NC: "What do you guys do when you're traveling to the next city?"
Mike Answered: Manscaping: my chest and facial hair take a long time to get right.

Question from Dave P. of Silver Lake, CA: "Who is the worst person to travel with?"
Adam Answered: I'd definitely say Mike. He's always manscaping and getting his hair everywhere. Plus, he's always changing his underwear. It's just weird.

Question from Blake L. of Ithaca, NY: "What's the weirdest fact about you that no one knows?"
Jon Answered: I enrolled at clown college for a semester, but I failed juggling 101 and was asked to leave. Here was my freshman year photo:

Thanks to everyone who sent in their questions. If we don't get into too much trouble for posting these, we'll do another round soon.

Lost And Found

On the road, we love to party backstage with friends, family and fans. And usually, after the party, we find a lot of weird shit that they've left behind, backstage. We created a list of what's in our lost and found box and hopefully, we can get some of your possessions back to you. The "Lost and Found" box contains:

-A set of keys
-A blue winter jacket
-An ipod
-A pair of New Balance sneakers
-One copy of "Chicken Soup for the Woman Golfer’s Soul"
-One can of chicken soup
-The deed to a 1978 Pinto
-A Bic blue pen
-One banana
-The January 2002 issue of "Cat Fancy"
-A Brother P-Touch labeler
-Rick Astley's "Greatest Hits" CD
-The entire collection of GoBots
-Jimmy Buffet concert tickets

So, if you happened to leave the following things behind, please contact our roadie, Yancey, immediately and he'll get it shipped to you immediately.

Pulling Everyone Together

It's been a bumpy ride for us lately. But to get us through it, Jon gave us a pep talk yesterday before we went on...it was inspirational and oddly familiar, although we're not sure why:

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that this nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us - that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion - that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain - that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom - and that government of the people, by the people, or the people, shall not perish from this earth.

Now let's go play some mother fucking rock and roll!"

Don't Believe The Hype

To the members of the Assplosion Artillery,

We've been bombarded with emails and calls today, and for the record...

...NO WE ARE NOT BREAKING UP!!!

Whoever is the one putting out nasty rumors about us, well, we all hope that you get an awful case of Chinese diarrhea!

As with any band, there's always internal issues, but in the end, we're a family, and despite the fact that we may have a dysfunctional Thanksgiving dinner, we all say 'I love you' and hug after the pumpkin pie. We all still love each other dearly, and we're working through our issues. We just need to take time to make this band the best it can be…and we are doing that now.

The tour is rolling on. The rocking will continue. And the Assplosion will blow away your mind.

Peace, Love, and Understanding,
Assplosion

Last Night's Benefit Show

We personally want to thank each and every one of you who made it to last night's benefit show, "Beat Black Hairy Tongue!" It's a cause that's very near and dear to our hearts as a number of us in the band have battled this wretched condition. We also want to thank the other bands on the bill who donated their time to support us: Steak!, Nightsplints, Mifflinity, and Black Pussy. For those who didn't make the show, not only did we kick ass, but it was one of our emotional gigs in a long time.

So many people ask, "Is Black Hairy Tongue real?" Of course it's real. You can read more about it here or here. The pictures aren't pretty, so we're not going to post them. Our hope is that through these benefits is to help find a true cure for this condition, as well as spread knowledge of it. We hope that by sharing our personal, harrowing tales of black hairy tongue, maybe we'll be able to touch one person, someone too scared to tell anyone about the black hair-like growth on their tongue, then maybe we're one step closer to destroying BHT for good.

Love,
Heather, Mike, Adam, Jon

PS: Here's a picture from last night's gig...

If You Wanna Hang Out, You've Gotta Take Her Out...

Welcome!

For our fans who stumbled upon this blog, welcome!

We've decided to take it upon ourselves to share our minds, our insanity, our passion, and our inner-workings with you...and when we share our inner-workings, you better wear a jimmy-cap because we've got more warts in bad places than you can imagine!

For those of you who aren't fans yet, we'll convert you and have you signed up for the "Assplosion Artillery"© soon enough.

We're doing this to keep in touch with the pulse of the band: you, the fans. It's hard for us to email each and every one of you individually, so consider this our "official" response to each and every one of your pieces of fan mail.

We'll be updating here and there, keeping you all posted on our goings-on. We've got some shows planned, some pictures to share, maybe even a few movie clips...if you're lucky. Sorry, no music downloads...the big-wigs aren't huge fans of that.

Keep visiting, we'll try to keep updating as often as possible.

Thanks, and see you on the road!

Hugs and kisses,
ASSPLOSION
aka: Heather, Mike, Jon, and Adam

COMING SOON...